Ladies, in yesterday’s post, Men Have Feelings? I shared a story about a man whose unvoiced yet exceedingly obvious feelings were dismissed by his fiancée. Although the responses I got from female readers who shared their comments with me both on and offline suggest that most women are appalled by the idea of dismissing a man’s feelings, I think many of us do so unwittingly every day. 
From mother’s who tell their young sons that big boys don’t cry to women who raise there eyebrows in suspicion at the first sign of a crack in their man’s armour, we women resist hearing/seeing real emotion from boys and men more than we think.
That said, to help you avoid being a woman who inadvertently disregards her man’s feelings, today I’m going run through my list of things you shouldn’t say to your SO (or any other man for that matter) when he decides to open up and share his deepest feelings (i.e. fears, sadness, etc.) with you.
Here we go…
- Come on, suck it up/get over it/pull yourself together (or any other variation on this theme).
- You’re joking right?
- Wait a minute. Is that a tear in your eye?
- God, you’re such a mama’s boy.
- Okay. I hear that, but what about how I feel?
- Pussy. (Sadly, I’ve actually heard women refer to their spouses/boyfriends this way.)
- Be a man.
- You’re pathetic
- Uhhmmm…can we talk about this later?
- Oh honey, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.
.
I could get into why choosing to respond in any of the ways listed above after your man expresses his feelings to you is a bad idea, but I’m going to trust that it’s self-evident for most of you. To those of you out there scratching your heads as you wonder why…
I’m sorry – I got nothing.
6 Comments
Comment by Elizabeth Rose — March 2, 2010 @ 3:03 am
While I see the wisdom in the list above, my default response to emotional displays (by anyone, neither gender nor sexual orientation specific) is to put the kettle on. This is because a good cup of tea solves all problems.
Or gives me something to do while they pull themselves together. And the sound of the boiling water will provide cover to me muttering “mama’s boy” and “pussy” under my breath if it is a chap!
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Comment by Ken — March 2, 2010 @ 8:26 pm
//Oh honey, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.//
Oh, I’ll figure it out, all right. With my tongue between some other woman’s legs.
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Comment by Sam Sharpe — March 2, 2010 @ 10:46 pm
Ken,
I like your approach.
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Comment by Skye Blue — March 2, 2010 @ 10:48 pm
@ Ken and Sam – I’ll second that motion. After all if your partner’s not bothering to listen to you, there are only so many options you have to get her (or his) attention.
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Comment by CrazyGirl — March 14, 2010 @ 9:35 pm
Another one is to actually show too much delight or interest in the fact that he has opened up, like: “Oh my goodness, I’m so happy you’re finally opening up and showing your emotions!” That’s annoying to guys too. If he knows you’re going to squeal and make a big deal about him showing his feelings, he’ll be compelled to hide them in the future.
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Comment by Skye Blue — March 14, 2010 @ 9:58 pm
@ CrazyGirl – Thanks Kaneisha. That’s a good one too and I never would’ve thought of it on my own.
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