The idea that women are too emotional is not an uncommon one. I’m sure that all of you have heard it and that you know how the story goes. Essentially anything that happens to a woman makes her cry simply because she is female (aka a super emotional being that tears up at the drop of a hat).
Women cry when they see a sad commercial or movie. Or even when their bosses yell at them – at which point they’ll run frantically to the elevator and press the button 152 times to make sure they get in before anyone sees them crying. Here’s the thing though. That stuff only happens in movies, which means it’s really just for entertainment (and dramatic) purposes. Obviously there are times when that stuff happens in real life and we women do get emotional about things – but we’re human after all, right?
In sharp contrast to the notion that women are too emotional is the widely held view that men should be the tougher sex: one that should never exhibit certain behaviors. Obviously crying and/or being overtly emotional are definitely on that list. Think about it. When a little boy cries how many times have you heard someone say he should suck it up and stop being a sissy? Is it really possible for him to just wake up as a 30-year-old man and suddenly think it’s perfectly fine for him to cry? I think not. (Side note – I’m not a fan of the idea that boys shouldn’t cry either but that is a whole other blog.)
In my opinion the idea that women are more emotional is a load of crap for two reasons. First women are not emotional based solely on their biology but rather because there are things that we get emotional about. Second men are just as emotional as women, it’s just that women show it more.
I really hate to burst anyone’s bubble (and I’m not going to get stuck on that whole elevator thing), but I can honestly tell you that I have never rushed into an elevator so someone wouldn’t see me cry. And I don’t think I know any woman who has. Besides, is the elevator really a safe option? It will eventually stop at a floor, right? I also can’t remember a single time that I have ever had to fight back tears when I’ve seen a Hallmark commercial, an injured puppy, a cute baby, or even while watching Lifetime (but I don’t even get that channel).
Honestly, I have to confess something here – I really can only recall crying one time over the past year. And trust me that’s not because life has been utterly perfect. Plenty of bad things have happened (and I have seen more than a few Hallmark commercials, babies and sad things), but it’s just that nothing tear inducing has transpired in a long while. I am pretty sure if women were as crazy emotional as most people assume, I would have felt the need to cry more than once in the last twelve months, right? Although I am willing to entertain the idea that the lack of tear-filled moments in my life makes me a freak of nature (or just a cold hearted bitch), I think it’s really just because I only cry when something truly makes me sad.
So yes, sometimes I cry and get crazy emotional about things. And yes, I am a woman. These are two things that I openly admit. However, I don’t think one has anything to do with the other. I have emotion because I am human and I cry because I have passion.
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Jessica Downey is a witty single woman who lives in Chicago. She writes about dating and single life and is the author of a blog called All The Single Ladies on ChicagoNow.com.
2 Comments
Comment by Lena.FM — June 25, 2010 @ 12:43 pm
Lovely post! But uh oh – it makes me feel that I AM a freak of nature because I HAVE cried on a subway train (and on an El train as well – Chicago, Chicago
And no, I don’t just run around trains crying all the time, but it has happened! And also, I cry during sad movies. And although many times I have been in situations where I had to squeeze my teeth and shut up – and I did both – when an opportunity came, letting out the tears felt good!!!! Personally, I think everybody is different and both laughing and crying are fine!
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Comment by SomethingSheDated — June 27, 2010 @ 1:46 pm
I would actually beg to differ on the biology notion. And I think it might shed light on whether or not you’re a freak (my vote is not just sayin’). Here’s the thing. I don’t get emotional over babies, hallmark cards, weddings, etc. Honestly they usually just make me awkward and uncomfortable (if someone does get emotional I mean).
But that being said. I can get choked up over a song on the radio (that has no emotional attachment but simply because I find it powerful/moving [fuck I sound like a tool)]. I can get choked up playing a ball game that’s really intense. And I once cried (sobbing tears) because the grocery bagger had forgotten to put my fucking cheese in the bag (which I had paid for, was the purpose of the trip, and didn’t notice till I was home). So clearly I am emotional. But at lot of the time the tears are about stress, adrenaline, or simply pure biology fucking with me.
The prime example of this “biology/physiology theory” of mine is this. In the last 2 years I’ve started getting really freaked out while flying (I blame all that turbulence from the heat rising over vegas…aahh..vegas…wait…back on track). Normally what happens is I just get really freaked out…minor panic attack…and then I just cry and cry and cry (thank goodness planes are loud) until the plane levels off…then I’m fine. My Dr. suggested I take some Ativan. Hooray for drugs. I tested it first at home…hmm…not much of a difference. Then I tested it on two different flights. Not sleepy. Not not-scared. This is bullshit. It was only later that I realized what the Ativan was really doing. While this little drug was not able to change my thought process which was still “I-don’t-want-to-die-please-don’t-crash”…the physical symptoms of panic and terror had stopped. Sure enough my brain was still fucking terrified, but there was no more panic attack and definitely no more tears.
Thus…while you may not cry…doesn’t mean you’re not emotional. Your body chemistry is just different from those you’re comparing it to.
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