Faking ‘The Big O’: A Lose-Lose Situation

SKYE BLUE

Whenever the subject of faking orgasms comes up (and it does way too often) I feel something akin to distress. Though I’ve discussed this issue ad nauseum I’m still flabbergasted by the number of women who admit to doing it – some even proudly.

Over the years, my confusion led to many hours spent scouring websites tackling this issue, as well as countless conversations with women willing to share their thoughts on the subject. Through my ‘research’ I found out that the two most common reasons women fake ”The Big O’ are:

1. Not wanting to hurt their partners’ feelings after they’ve made many fruitless attempts to please her.
2. To bring a quick end to the proceedings when thery are too tired, bored or uninterested to continue.

Based on the above it would seem that women are making the decision to fake primarily for altruistic and pragmatic reasons (which, depending on where you stand on the issue, may or may not be a good thing). However, I also discovered that there are actually women out there (some of whom I know) who feign reaching climax for non-sensical reasons like not wanting to ‘look ugly’ in front of their partners. That’s right folks.Vanity is preventing some women from experiencing nirvana right here on earth (sigh). I’m sure that any dude who has experienced the pleasure of bringing a woman to climax would agree that for a man there is nothing ‘ugly’ about seeing his woman writhe with pleasure – but I digress.

This piece is not about the many reasons why women choose to fake their orgasms (we’ve already done a post about that) or about how their partners view them when they actually do climax. This post is my manifesto, my rallying cry to urge those of you who make a habit of faking ‘The Big O’ to STOP! Please!

Why you ask? Because, whether your reasons are of the altruistic or of the ‘too-vain-for-words’ variety, faking your orgasms is a definite lose-lose situation. For all the ladies who didn’t cheer as they read the last sentence, the following list is for you.

1. Making a habit of faking, will make it more difficult for you to have a real orgasm (horror of horrors!), because your problem – not being able to have a vaginal orgasm or to achieve an orgasm at all – is not being addressed. In essence, habitual faking reduces your chances of having a real orgasm, and why would you want to chance that?
2. You’re motivating your man to keep doing all the wrong things. Every time you scream and moan with feigned pleasure he thinks he’s got it right. He’ll continue to be the man who can’t please you; and you’ll be faced with the prospect of many more long, boring and decidedly ‘anti-climatic’ nights.
3. The pragmatism and self-sacrifice often involved in faking ‘The Big O’, takes away from the pleasure of having sex. How the hell are you going to be in the moment and go for yours, if you’re laying there thinking ‘How much longer should I wait before I start my performance so we can wrap this up quickly?’ If thinking like that doesn’t stop your love juices from flowing I don’t know what will.
4. By faking you’ll avoid upsets, hurt feelings and awkward moments, but that type of consistent dishonesty will eventually wreak havoc on your relationship. Each time you fake you’ve lied to your partner (assuming he buys your act – yes, I know you’re good at it and he always does), and each time you lie it gets easier. What else will you start lying about when you become well practiced at deceiving your partner?
5. You’re not giving your partner a chance to learn what works for you by explaining to him what you need to achieve climax – which simply isn’t fair. So open up and tell him what is going on for you. If you handle it right (that means gently and diplomatically girls) you’ll both benefit from better sex and more honest communication in your relationship. FYI: Because you should have a clear idea of what gets you going (and it would seem that many women starfish don’t), may I suggest partaking in a  little manual or battery powered ’self-exploration’, prior to beginning ‘the how to be a better lover’ coaching sessions with your man.
6. You’re doing a disservice to every woman he dates after you. Can you imagine how hard a time his future girlfriend or wife is going to have convincing him that he needs to ‘expand his repertoire’ if you’ve spent months or years allowing him to believe he’s a ‘champion lover’? For those of you balking at the notion of helping any of the women who may be part of your current flame’s future ponder this one for a minute. Through some strange and cruel twist of fate you just might end up being the next lover of a dude some other woman never bothered to school. That’s right. Close your eyes and picture all those not so pleasure filled nights. Yummy huh? Not! So, do yourself and all of womankind a favour – take one for the team and ‘educate’ your man.

My sisters nobody wins when we choose to fake our orgasms. Let’s put an end to the madness. Join me in my quest to make every female orgasm a heart-stopping, toe-curling, back-arching, hair-raising, ‘O o o ohhh my God’ moaning REAL one.

Ladies, if we all do our part, together we can make faking history.

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