First Office Party Survival Tips

ELIZABETH ROSE

“You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.” – Jeff Foxworthy

The first office function you take your new love to is a BIG deal. This is bigger than meeting his friends for the first time, and on par with him meeting your parents. Don’t believe me? Then you probably should never agree to go to an office party with a date. (Even if there’s a free bar – actually, especially if there’s a free bar).

You see, your lover dearest can (and probably will) brief his friends. They will know how serious he is about you, or if you are just really good in bed. He can warn them which ex-girlfriends (or current girlfriends) not to mention and be fairly sure of their collusion. This isn’t possible in an office environment.

By going to an office party as his date – you are officially together. He trusts you not to mess with his livelihood, his career, his male pride. Accept this is a big responsibility, and not just an excuse to buy a new dress and get hammered on free house wine.

I’ve seen many a relationship (and career) crash and burn at the office party, so from my vantage point I have collated a short list of etiquette tips:

1. Don’t get hammered – the booze may be free, but believe me you will pay a price later!
2. Dress the part – are you going as the CEO’s date or the mailroom clerk’s? Dress accordingly and not like you are going to a titty bar, sporting event or Sunday school.
3. Make nice with the WAGs – chat with the other WAGs (wives and girlfriends). They can guide you as to who gets “handsy” after a few drinks and may help smooth out any awkward situations.
4. Female colleagues are not the enemy – they have known your man longer than you. If they wanted to bang him they would have so already, so don’t treat them like they are a threat. Instead see them as potential allies who upon deciding they like you can bend his ear about you 40 hours a week every week.
5. Learn something about the company – giggling that you don’t really understand what he does isn’t endearing. It makes you look stupid and reduces your likelihood of achieving points 3 and 4 above.

There are many other pointers I could list of which I have seen specific and spectacular failings in the past, but if you can manage to stay true to the five core items above, you’ll be forgiven for wrong footing things.

I don’t want to sound too negative as the benefits of performing the part of Girlfriend at his work function are overwhelming. Not only do you get to dress up pretty, but you also can prove yourself as a companion and potential asset to his career. If you hit it off with someone important’s wife – you may have scored him a promotion. You hit it off with his colleagues and you’ll have an army of supporters on his case full-time – not to mention a fabulous spy network during any out of town business trips!

I myself fly solo at my office functions; it gives me a greater opportunity to wind up the WAGs of colleagues I don’t particularly like. I find a slinky red dress that leaves little to the imagination and a proprietary hand on his arm when asking for an introduction to the “little lady” can upset the strongest of bonds and provide me with an evening’s entertainment.

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