“To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler – and less trouble” – Mark Twain
Well readers, my latest foray into the dating scene here in Toronto has been with a young Canadian teacher. I met him online, as I thought it was high time Elizabeth Rose found additional hunting grounds (I fear that I may have overindulged in the ex pat community and that at some point all my conquests may meet).
He is a nice enough chap – good looking, tattooed, hot body (he’s an athlete), a good conversationalist and also a published author. My damningly faint praise for him is due to that which I have yet to know. Teacher and I have had 6 dates and still no contact or sight of his cock. We have even spent the night together a time or two, and yet still no squelchy noises. Barely even a grope. I am quite perplexed, and as I am not getting it elsewhere in the meantime, I still have frizzy hair!
I have reached out to my marvelous support network back in England for some advice. Their response was to run a pool on why teacher won’t shag me. Odds stand at:
- It’s a mother issue – 10/1
- He has a tiny penis – 3/2
- It’s an outbreak of herpes – 20/1
- He’s just a nice guy – 100/1
- He’s really gay – 2/1
Please contact me if you would like to place your bet. Half of all proceeds go to the charitable foundation of Prada. (I want their new heeled boots)
6 Comments
Comment by WhenWillHarryMeetSally — October 7, 2009 @ 10:24 am
Why is “He’s just a nice guy” 100/1??? And what the hell WAS he doing on the nights you spent together and not making squishy sounds, playing tooth fairy?
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Comment by Elizabeth Rose — October 7, 2009 @ 11:10 am
Well WhenWillHarryMeetSally – there was cuddling, talking and sleeping. As I said barely a grope and certainly no squishy sounds.
The odds were shorter on the nice guy earlier – but after 6 dates?!? Surely they’d be something by now. Though as the bets are being made by Brits – maybe it’s a cultural thing?
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Comment by WhenWillHarryMeetSally — October 7, 2009 @ 12:06 pm
I went out with someone who wouldn’t go there for two months. I thought she was just moving really slowly with the physical stuff, which I can appreciate. Turns out she wasn’t attracted to me, she just wanted to be attracted to me. She thought I was a nice guy and had a good time while we were out, but she didn’t have that visceral ‘gotta have it’ drive. My opinion is deal now–either (a) make the first move, (b) have a sit down and ask why he hasn’t or (c) move on. Bottom line: A guy should want to sleep with you.
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Comment by KT — October 12, 2009 @ 5:24 am
Defo gay. Sorry luv
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Comment by UnblondeBomb — October 15, 2009 @ 11:58 am
he’s testing you.
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Comment by Onlyme — October 15, 2009 @ 1:14 pm
Lets look at the facts
Published poet
didn’t try it on
Likes to be inside a ring…………….
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