SAM SHARPE, SKYE BLUE and ELIZABETH ROSE
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I’ve got to be honest. Hearing those three little words doesn’t do it for me. It doesn’t move me to praise God or my lover. Nor does it make me run for cover. No, hearing a woman say “Sam, I love you” at worst makes me cringe a little and at best makes me do a little inner shoulder shrug (Let me state for the record that though I’m shrugging my shoulders on the inside I do my best to feign something that looks a little bit like I care. High School drama class has paid off. Let me give a special shout out to Miss C and the Improv team. Those skills sure come in handy) .
The problem is that hearing a woman say “I love you” has lost all meaning for me. Want to know why? Well, every woman I’ve dated exclusively has told me they loved me. And every single one of them has said that they want to marry me (Most of them even proposed). Let me repeat that. EVERY woman I’ve EVER dated exclusively. Since I was 17. Think about that for a second.
Does it say more about the women I’ve dated or more about me? I guess I should take it as a compliment. But really, does it say something about my (pick one):
a) Personality
b) Appearance
c) Proficiency as a lover (this is what I tell myself and my boys)
d) Perceived ability to provide (I am an artist/performer/writer, so I’ve ruled this one out)
Or does it say more about my past lovers’ (pick one):
a) Clinginess/neediness/insecurity
b) Level of social programming/conditioning
c) Questionable judgment
d) All of the above
But what do you do when a woman is courageous/misguided/deluded enough to tell you that she loves you? In my case you say “thanks”. Or you say something ridiculous like:
I don’t know what to say. I’ve only known you for 3 months but it feels like a lifetime. I don’t know if what I feel for you is love, but I’ve never felt anything like this before.
Do you see what I did there? I threw the word love in there without actually saying, “I love you”. Works like a charm. Does this make me an asshole? Maybe. But fuck, if you are going to tell someone you love him or her that’s fine, but don’t assume or expect you’re going to hear it back.
SAM SHARPE
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Perhaps because I’m a deluded, highly conditioned and mushy girl, who hasn’t been lucky (?) enough to hear the words ‘I Love You’ as often as Sam Sharpe (aka The F’in ‘Lover’ Man), I still get more than a little tripped out when someone tells me they love me.
If it comes too soon in the relationship for my taste sirens go off it my head, and if it comes later than I’d like I become a bit of a basket case (so not a good look), questioning why he doesn’t feel the way I do. But, when my past partners and I have been in sync and our first I Love You’s were said (almost) simultaneously it’s felt more than wonderful ( I grew up watching Disney flicks. What do you want from me?).
Kinda like this…
SKYE BLUE
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Three little words and so much power in them. They can transform a bad day. They can cement a lasting bond. They can dispel doubts and any suspicions. They also have other effects…
The words I Love You have a direct effect on ladies knickers. Hearing these words for the first time often the causes their complete disappearance. However, frequent use of these three words of power tend to make the size of a woman’s knickers grow and rather than removing them. Many a man has watched his lover’s undies change from sexy bits of lingerie to giant sensible granny pants that firmly encase her bottom.
Through the wonders of modern science I have been able to confirm the correlation between frequent “I Love Yous” have on both knickers AND oral sex, and have plotted this information on the graphs below to demonstrate the passage of time from the first use of these words. As you can see, you are looking at a case of short term gain, long term loss for both situations.
For your own sakes – think carefully about use over time of such a statement.
ELIZABETH ROSE
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6 Comments
Comment by rur — February 15, 2010 @ 5:58 am
It’s been ages since the last time I actually utter the words, “I love you.”
I have simply lost my faith in the full sentence, and yes, did I ever come close?
I’ve forgotten how it feels to have the urge to say them – only to know that saying it will give me some sense of accomplishment and nothing else.
It’s only been a day since the last time I heard “I love you.”
But seriously, to hear the words after a series of amazing sexperience just wouldn’t cut it through.
It felt… uncomfy, eerie and somewhat… unbelievably irritating.
The only way to reply was saying, “Thank you. I’m not there yet, but let’s just see if we’ll get there one day.”
Did I mean any of that? Well I was under influence of orgasms and Cabernet so I’d love to disqualify my reply if I could.
I love you guys, keep posting great stuffs.
*sobs*
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Comment by Skye Blue — February 15, 2010 @ 7:48 am
@ rur – oh sweetie we love you too!
FYI: You’re not alone on the whole being uncomfortable with the words I Love You. Even when those words come in a way that makes me feel giddy and crazy happy, hours, if not moments later my fears of being vulnerable set in and I’m all nervous.
Strange thing about love (and almost anything good that comes into your life for that matter) is that the minute you believe/know you have it, you start wondering if and when you’re going to lose it.
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Comment by Dee Dee Tickles — February 15, 2010 @ 10:47 am
Hhmmm. I find it interesting that those 3 little words have such an effect, because they don’t to me. After being married for 20 years to a guy who told me he loved me and then “showed” me he didn’t, I’ve developed a new definition of those words. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stingy with my love, but I don’t use it to manipulate emotions. See what I did there, Sam? Don’t be a player, if you don’t want women to fall in love with you. Snap!
I now define love differently. It doesn’t mean that I want to marry or have someone look after me, or to have kids with. Been there, done that.
It does mean that I love spending time, sharing stories, meals, bed with etc.. That’s it.
Recently I had a relationship with a guy, who after a very intense few dates, I said “I love you” and he froze. So funny! I had to resuscitate him by telling him what those words meant to me. I loved him like my favourite pair of Fluevogs. We fit well, were comfortable and had a great time. But that was only until I really got to know him; then my Fluevogs came out ahead.
So, I ask you this; Is it the limitation of the females definition of those words that cause all the raucous or is it the limitation of the males perception of those words? Hmmm.
Oh yeh, Elizabeth Rose, your graph is making me pee my pants. In fact, in my case it’s inaccurate. The longer I was married, the more of an effort I made and started wearing thongs and sexy lingerie. The reverse effect is true, if you really love someone and are committed to making it exciting.
But, I really do totally Love You guys! xxxooo
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Comment by Elizabeth Rose — February 15, 2010 @ 2:55 pm
@Dee Dee Tickles – We love you too! (you saucy minx)
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Comment by Skye Blue — February 15, 2010 @ 5:21 pm
@ Dee Dee Tickles – “So, I ask you this; Is it the limitation of the females definition of those words that cause all the raucous or is it the limitation of the males perception of those words? Hmmm.”
Honestly, I think the limitation is due to both males and females in a given partnership having different perceptions of the words, and both parties not communicating well enough with each other (based on their own limitations/issues) to understand one another well.
RE the sexy thongs and lingerie – i hope they paid off for you in the bedroom most of the time.
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Comment by Sam Sharpe — February 16, 2010 @ 12:44 pm
@ Dee Dee Tickles
Yes, I saw what you did there and I’ve gotta admit, it made me chuckle….as for the women falling in love bit–well, it’s not the fact they fall in love that’s the problem, it’s what they want me to do about it that’s the problem. Plus, I’m sure one of these days I’ll want one to fall in love with me and I’ll want to do something about it. One of these days….No really….I mean that.
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