“As she has planted, so does she harvest; such is the field of karma.” – Sri Guru Granth Sahib
Readers, I am concerned. I am perplexed, worried and even somewhat fraught. I was being self reflective this weekend past - (okay I was hung over and watching reruns of CSI – the Vegas one, not Miami) and I realised that my recent run of luck with male specimens has been less than favourable.
I’m not going to recruit you into my belief system (beyond the creed of “One more for the road”) but I do believe the world is intrinsically fair and in a form of karma. So on that basis – why am I having such a terrible run of cock? Let’s review the evidence…
- I ran out – the entire city of London and apparently I was running into past rejects.
- I was in a drought and drove up the price of batteries for the province of Ontario.
- I wasn’t allowed to view his member – popular opinion that he was too small.
- I was terrified on Halloween by one so small and so very cheesy.
- I was surprised by an encounter with a hairy shaft (though otherwise excellent, but still gave me pause).
- And this weekend, I didn’t even get to review as I was shockingly abandoned for a meat pie!
Where has this ill favour come from? Based on the core pillars of karma and neatly outlined by Sri Guru Granth Sahib above (I don’t know who this is either, but it sounded good) I would be deserving of this harvest through my own actions.
Readers, I appeal to you as witnesses and as a jury of my peers! I am very nice to every cock I get my hands (or lips) on. Even a cheese encrusted minature – I take on risk of infection to complete the task ‘in hand’.
So why is my knob karma currently so poor?
What have I done to bring this upon myself?
How can I remedy this to return to the smooth, girthy perfection that I dream of?
Perhaps an exorcism is in order – but how would one perform such a feat? I can’t even begin to imagine – if it is necessary for me to behave differently than I have been in recent weeks to reverse this fortune, should I be seeking out anal? Or is it required for me to strap one on and ‘peg’ the next owner of a VSD I come across?
I am hurt that some force in the Universe has chosen to single me out for such treatment by the male member, based on the benevolence I bestow upon those who seek me out I should be crowned their Queen.
There must be something else.
I did begin to wonder if perhaps my disclosures are breaking some unspoken masonic code not to tell on their secrets, but I hope that isn’t true as I would be forced to either abandon my post here or leave cock behind altogether and write to you on my lesbian experiences. Since I enjoy telling my chronicles of cock almost as much as I enjoy the organ itself, I don’t wish to give up either of these things.
(And I really, really like cock)
But, what if this isn’t a punishment? What if I am being conditioned by these universal forces by being offered comparative data? I have had a run of bad luck beyond a normal statistical spread. I am considering this may be to encourage me to truly appreciate the value in a man’s nether regions. So that when I am offered the opportunity of truly excellent penis, I will grasp it (the opportunity and the penis) with both hands.
4 Comments
Comment by NonCheesyAndUncut — November 26, 2009 @ 9:11 am
Men can be such cocks sometimes… and still, they can leave you wanting for more. By reading your knob (mis)adventures, I wonder if there is a flaw in your search for your perfect hygiene/girth/size/stamina/folliage experience. Maybe you are right in finding yourself beyond statistical help, and there are other important veiled attributes in men you might want to focus from now on.
For example, in certain Mediterranean cultures, as you get older (25+), size of wallet becomes almost as important as girth…if not more! A proper relationship with an equally loving partner might also change your luck, diminish your cock anguish and improve your appreciation of the opposite sex. Rather than having to moan in despair, clamoring to the unfairness of knob fate, maybe it could change your view of men as expendable sex toys willfully awaiting your next blow job prize. There’s no fun in a revolution unless you start one!
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Comment by Skye Blue — November 27, 2009 @ 6:47 am
@ NonCheesyandUncut
Where have you been? I’ve missed your charm and wit.
LMAO @ “… I wonder if there is a flaw in your search for your perfect hygiene/girth/size/stamina/folliage experience.”
And I actually had a my very own moment of despair when I read …”men as expendable sex toys willfully awaiting your next blow job prize.”
Having said that, although I do agree that a revolution in Elizabeth Rose’s life/mindset re men may be in order, I also think part of the problem is the lack of sane, single and ’sizable’ men in the fair city of Toronto.
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Comment by Peter — November 27, 2009 @ 11:16 am
Elizabeth, I would not put last weekend’s rejection of your charms over a meat pie of down as one of your current list of failures. I think to be honest to HB the only way you would have got him close to your nether regions would have been to have been wearing said meat pie instead of underwear, that way at least you would have received a good but brief tounging!
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Comment by WhenWillHarryMeetSally — November 27, 2009 @ 10:50 pm
Is it too simplistic to say it could be just a bad streak and nothing more? You know I’m more religious than you are, and even I’m willing to point to the possibility that this is simply nothing more than a string of the bad before you get to the string of good–no karma, nothing you’ve done to yourself, just bad luck over the last little while. I get that your recent history has been beyong the statistical norm, and maybe it’s because I’ve been like Daniel San trying to catch the one fly with my chopsticks, but eventuallly you’ll come across what you’re looking for. Nothing deep–pjust hope for the future and faith in you.
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