Ladies, Can We Get Real for a Minute?

SKYE BLUE

Although it pains me to admit this I have to. As I read Casual Sex, Women and Me I could relate – to the girls. But I’m sure I’m not alone. As far as I can tell, most women aren’t as proficient in the art of casual mating as they’d like to believe. From what I have seen, heard and lived, we women tend to get a wee bit delusional about our ability to stay emotionally detached as we play the game.

Now please don’t get me wrong ladies, personally I think sex (casual or not) is great, and those of us who’ve indulged in a really solid round a time or two are more than clear about the fact that sex is FUN! But let’s face it ladies, the vast majority of us are not wired like my dear friend Elizabeth Rose (at least not on this side of the pond – kudos to my Brit sisters holding it down). In fact, if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say only 5% of us are truly skilled at separating sex from our emotions in an ongoing arrangement with a given partner. Sadly, I am not one of those lucky ‘five percenters’.

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When I hit the dating scene soon after ditching the boyfriend who deflowered me it was on. If I felt the urge I went with it. During this period somehow I never pulled of a one night stand. With me it was more like 14, 21 or 30+ day stands. Regardless of the length of my whirlwind liaisons, when my bedmate of the moment gave me my walking papers, as much as I played it cool because we both knew it was casual (right?), I always felt like I’d been sucker punched – right in the stomach. But I didn’t let that stop me.

Despite the fact that feeling my guts cave in was grossly unpleasant to say the least, I pressed on. Each and every time I got hit I got up, dusted myself off and stepped back onto the playing field. You’re a liberated 90s girl and Homie didn’t play weak. You can do this, you just gotta learn to handle your game right. Handle it all a little differently. My version of different included easing up on the intensity and seeing the man of choice no more than twice a month to avoid having my emotions creep into the situation. Even with these evasive manoeuvres I still hit trouble.

Enter Kieran, a 40-something actor I met while I was killing time in a bookstore one day. He struck up a conversation with me when he noticed I was looking at a book he had read. We fell into an easy banter and ending up going for coffee. Although we had a good time together that afternoon (oh how that man could make me laugh) by the third date I knew we weren’t a good fit.

You see Kieran didn’t have an off switch. For him every conversation, sentence and moment was a performance. I’m sure his zeal for his craft served him well on stage and screen, but after a few dates it just wasn’t working for me. Luckily, both he and I sensed this. So at the end of our third date we amicably called it quits…but not for long.

A week passed and I couldn’t stop thinking about Kieran. He was a vision – tall with broad shoulders, a lean muscular build, ruggedly handsome good looks, a shock of curly red hair (yes, I have a thing for red heads), and the most amazing smile. Over the course of that week the battle between me and my vag went something like this…

Vag: What were you thinking? Call him back!

Me: For What? We’re not compatible.

Vag: Helllloooo! You and I both know I’ve got a killa case of coochy cobwebs, and I’m well overdue. Why you always got to over think things?

Me: Hmmm…If it was up to you, I wouldn’t think about anything.

Vag (muttering): At the very least there’d be a lot more doing and a whole of ‘Oh…yes, yes, yesin’ going on.

Needless to say by the beginning of the next week my vag won out. I called Kieran back and nervously asked him to come out to play. After recovering from the shock he quickly said yes, and he, my vag and I were off to the races. The first few times we got together were great. A hug followed by a few kind words and then we’d get right to it, a fantastic horizontal performance (on good days there could be as many as two encores), a parting kiss on the cheek as he or I (depending on whose spot we were at) darted through the door, and then the quick return to pre-Kieran boffing normalcy after each meeting.

But by week 12 (that’s session six for those of you who weren’t paying attention) things started to go a little haywire.

He arrived at my place and we got right to it in our usual fashion. Each and every moment of our ‘show’ was absolutely delightful, as usual. Then when he kissed my cheek and swiftly disappeared down the long hallway outside my apartment, a strange pang in my chest and the thought, Oh God! Am I really not going to see or hear from you for another two weeks? – definitely not the usual. My life back to its normal pre-Kieran boffing state? HELL NO.

After he left that day I fell apart. Suddenly, I was needing and missing a man I knew I could hardly stand talking to for more than a few hours at a time. Could it be that I was actually starting to develop feelings for my fave actor?

Well, after two days and few in depth consultations with my ‘all-knowing’ vag I found some clarity. Kieran was not the type of man I wanted to be with. All he and I had in common was our mutual love of good laughs and even better sex. It took me another two days to pick up the phone and call him to cancel session seven (believe me, my vag cursed me out good for that).

Although Kieran left the door open for me to call back whenever I wanted to, I haven’t and probably won’t. That whole catching feelings for a man I knew I really didn’t want has me shook. I so don’t want to be the one pining away over a man who unintentionally stroked his way into my heart.

Take it from me girls. If you recognize even a little bit of yourself in this or yesterday’s post, think long and hard before your next casual hook up.

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