In Trust Me, I Have No Use For Your Sperm, a guest post I did for Mike Masters back in May, I tackled the issue of eligible bachelors being skittish about dating their female counterparts, due to fears about being bamboozled into walking down the aisle and/or trapped into procreating. In that post I lamented the difficult time women like me, who aren’t singularly focused on getting married (if at all) have in dealing with such men. Today, I’m going to hit this topic from a different angle, and focus on the fact that these men believe that every woman they run into will eventually start sweating them for a ring and/or some seed.
Let me start by stating the obvious. Many women…
- Become driveling idiots at the first sight of an infant.
- Lose breath in the presence of diamonds – especially if they’re set in a gold band.
- Swoon as we watch the groom dote over his bride at a wedding.
.
But come on now, let’s be fair. Babies are ridiculously cute, small and cuddly; diamonds shine like nothing else; and is
there anything more amazing than watching a man who is publicly pledging his complete and total commitment to his woman – that’s the shit every Rom Com and Harlequin Romance novel we’ve ever seen or read is made of. What are we girls to do?
That said, I’d like to add an important corollary. Every woman who expresses an interest in you isn’t doing so because her empty womb is throbbing or because she’s tired of nervously rubbing the ringless 4th digit of her left hand. Some of us, express interest in you just because…
- Our friends dared or bribed us to.
- It’s been a long time and the cobwebs forming in our coochy are getting out of hand.
- We think you’re amazingly hot and hope that all the attention we show you will result in our eventually being paid in penis.
- The last few guys we got naked with had VSDs and we’re trying desperately to break our streak of bad Knob Karma
- We think you’ll make a good substitute dude, while we work on getting the attention of the man we really want to bed, date or even marry.
- We’re looking for a light and breezy summer fling and you look like you have a lot of stamina (here’s to you Jess Downey).
- We love men and recognize that a little male companionship that includes good conversation and a whole lot of GREAT SEX – even if it never leads to marriage – is something we want in our lives.
.
Boys, just because you happen to meet a woman of childbearing age (who may or may not be broody), who’s interested in you and happens to want to have sex, you shouldn’t automatically assume that she wants to be your wife or have kids with you. Women who are sane clear-thinking (i.e. the one’s you should be dating) and recognize that:
- There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get married and/or have children
- There is definitely nothing wrong with NOT wanting to get married and/or have children (though women in this camp will often hear that they’re selfish. WTF?)
- Without a doubt it is COMPLETELY wrong when one or both parties in a given connection can’t accept that they want different things in life and aren’t compatible in that regard.
- It’s incredibly misguided to pressure someone into marrying you.
- It’s equally misguided to ask someone to give up on their dreams of marriage in order to be with you.
.
And as a result we can happily date and fuck you without pressuring you to marry or breed us up. Why? Because we clear-thinking chicks fall into one of two camps.
Those who don’t want to get married and/or breed.
Or
Those who do and are very secure in the knowledge that if you, the flavour of the moment, end up not being a good fit, another man – Mr. Right in fact (to be clear that’s not Mr. Right Now, Mr. He’ll-Have-To-Do-Cuz-The-Years-Are-Rushing-By-and-My-Eggs-Are-Dying, or Mr. But-I’ve-already-Invested-So-Much-Time-In-This-Relationship) – will eventually come along…
or not.
And newsflash: despite the popular belief that we’ll die of consumption if he never appears – we’ll be okay.
Really.
11 Comments
Comment by SomethingSheDated — June 15, 2010 @ 1:13 am
Some people think it’s selfish not to get married and have babies? Bizarre…
And you know how you can tell those people are NOT clear thinkers??? Overpopulation statistics. I mean essentially….babies are ruining the world yes? no?
(though before I go on…I must admit…that baby picture…caused me to giggle quite loudy outloud…and shh…dont tell anyone…but I may have even heard myself coo a little bit…)
So yeah…babies. Having them. Now that’s some selfish shit. Unless of course I decide to have babies. And then well…albert einstein and all those macarthur grant winners better watch out…because my spawn…they’ll be ready to change the world.
So yeah…what was I saying….yeah not having babies…it’s like recycling…I basically saving the world one condom at a time.
Unless of course…I meet a physicist…who is hyper masculine…can build a house, erect a campsite, understand when I talk about my blog, and fuck like a maniac…makes me laugh like never before…knows all about politics and the world a la Bill Maher…oh…and has a nice family and friends…then…all bets are off…gimme that badger milk!
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Comment by Skye Blue — June 15, 2010 @ 7:08 am
@ SSDated – have I told you how much I love you lately?
Girl, if you’re always this funny I think you’re going to have a hard time dodging a walk down the aisle and pushing a pram. Some Bill Maher-esque man is going to show up one day and he’ll be hustling to get a ring on your finger and drop some ‘badger milk’ on you – I just know it.
re the baby pic – it was carefully chosen to bring out the ‘coo-er’ in you!
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Comment by Zia Zitella — June 15, 2010 @ 8:11 am
“It’s been a long time and the cobwebs forming in our coochy are getting out of hand.” Ha! Was gonna use a line similar to this in a future post, but now you’re gonna make me work to come up with something different. But it was so well placed, I gladly give it up. Love the post.
http://www.ziazitella.wordpress.com
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Comment by SoloAt30 — June 15, 2010 @ 9:51 am
Great post! Some of us, while on our search for Mr. Right, still are looking to have fun along the way, knowing not every guy is Mr. Right, nor do we necessarily want them to be. Sometimes they’re just too hot to pass up the opportunity.
I never understood the fuss over diamonds, but I am a sucker for babies. I have been since I was a young child. They are just so cute, darn it, and there’s nothing sweeter than having my 6-month-old niece resting her head on me, sucking on my shoulder. Doesn’t make me want to jump any faster to *make* someone try to be Mr. Right.
If he come, great. If he doesn’t, that’s okay. I’ve got plenty of children in my life. And plenty of men in my life too, ha.
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Comment by Sheila — June 15, 2010 @ 12:33 pm
Sorry, SSDated, you just described my bf. And I’m not sharing.
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Comment by Skye Blue — June 15, 2010 @ 9:33 pm
@ Zia – can’t wait to see what you come up with
@ SoloAt30- so with you on the diamonds being for later, but as you say babies are delightful. At this point in my life I enjoy being able to coo and play with them, and then hand them back to their ‘rents.
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Comment by Aunt Juicebox — June 16, 2010 @ 12:51 pm
Very good advice! This should be printed, bound, and passed out to all boys while their brains are still forming.
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Comment by Skye Blue — June 16, 2010 @ 1:42 pm
@ Auntie Juicebox – Auntie, I’ve missed you! And yes boys and big ol’ men should be reading this, or at the very least be listening more closely to the women they meet.
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Comment by KB IN NYC — June 19, 2010 @ 12:14 pm
Skye, I love you! Absolutely brilliant post.
My favourite quote:
“We think you’re amazingly hot and hope that all the attention we show you will result in our eventually being paid in penis”
Although, just for the record I do lose my breathe in the sight of diamonds and I’d totally be lying if I said I didn’t want a man to buy one for me. Or maybe I’ll just buy one for myself. Whichever comes first.
XKB
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Comment by Skye Blue — June 19, 2010 @ 7:30 pm
@ KB IN NYC – thank you for the love my dear.
Re the paid in penis line, I can’t take credit for that – all praises due to Miss Melisa Mae for the inspiration for that bit.
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Comment by Man-shopper — June 28, 2010 @ 10:43 pm
Yay! Skye Blue educates mankind!
Babies: Meh. I don’t like the way they smell. Have you noticed that babies all smell the same? I’m a sucker for toddlers though. As long as they don’t talk. Talking miniature things are always creepy.
Diamonds: Double meh. Not enough color. I love me some big bold, wacky colors! Blue zoisite, for instance.
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