Planning: The Beginning of the End?

SAM SHARPE

Dear Readers, the first sign that your relationship is about to commence the inevitable slide into boredom, domesticity and malaise is…

Planning for the future – together.

Okay, I know some of you out there are shaking your heads in disgust. Right now you’re thinking:

“Oh no! Sam Sharpe, you hater of all things monogamous and committed. You enemy of all coupled people. Planning for a shared future is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. You’re wrong. You’re misguided.”

But am I?

For those of you who are under the yoke in a relationship, tell me about the joy it brings. Tell me about the genesis of your love. Think back. Reminisce. Remember the embers that sparked the flame of your love. Recall how the mere mention of your partner’s name caused a tingling in your loins; had you kicking your feet in the air as you lay in bed anticipating his arrival; or had you singing Beres Hammond Songs while rubbing her down with hot oils.

Do you remember the impromptu dinner dates and unplanned twilight walks? Do you remember the nights out dancing, sweating out your perm in the club and then in between the sheets? Do you remember missing half the movie because you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Do you remember these things?

These are the things that couples that are falling out of love claim are lacking in their relationship. Do you know what all these things have in common? Spontaneity. Spontaneity is natural. Free of constraint. Impulsive. And you know what else? Spontaneity is the antithesis of planning.

Don’t get me wrong. Planning has its place. But when you spend too much time planning, you are spending too much time thinking about the future, about distant events. Relationships thrive when you tend to your partner in the here and now. Please take heed.

I know my posts here on our blog suggest a disdain for monogamous relationships. The truth is that my problem isn’t with relationships per se, but with how most people cultivate them. In this, the Yiddish proverb “Man plans, God laughs” is prescient. Think of the best laughs you’ve ever had—whether in the comedy club or at home with your lover—they are almost always unexpected.

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