This one is for the all the size queens out there; the women who are committed to avoiding men with below average ‘endowments’. Before we begin we’d like to clarify one thing. By our (that would be yours truly and Elizabeth Rose) standards any man working with less than 3.5” when he is erect, is the owner of a very small dick. In essence, if your dick could easily be mistaken for a small child’s digit when standing at attention, we mean you.
And now without further ado, we give you the Top 10 Ways to Tell He Has a (Very) Small Dick.
- After two or three romps in a horizontal position he still won’t let you get near his nether regions.
- He avoids using public restrooms when he can, and when forced to use one he will take great pains to use a stall or the single serve handicap bathroom.
- He owns the biggest, most expensive and flashiest toys (i.e. cars, stereo equipment, motorcycles, etc.) that he can afford.
- All the footwear he owns is immaculate and made by a noteworthy designer – this may be because he has an easier time noticing when they get dirty due to an unhindered line of sight.
- He will vociferously defend the boys with ‘wee ones’ in conversations about penises.
- His movements will appear to be ‘small’, as if he is afraid to be seen or exposed.
- His gait is biomechanically correct and you will never get the sense that he is more ‘heavily loaded’ on one side.
- The pockets of his pants will always be full, and in extreme cases he will carry his wallet (usually of the larger sort) in one of the front pockets.
- When he details his relationship history you will notice that it consists of a series of three to seven month relationships (which he considers to be long term), punctuated by one to two year runs of celibacy.
- Girls talk. Someone you know, directly or otherwise, who dated or knows someone who dated the man in question, will be able to give you the complete low down on his junk – trust us.
| A Disclaimer from Elizabeth Rose and Skye: This post is a work of fiction. It is not based in whole or in part on any of the men of our past or present. Any resemblance to any individual, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental. |
5 Comments
Comment by Philip Docker — November 2, 2009 @ 6:38 pm
Do cocks get bigger when you girls wear beer goggles?
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Comment by Skye Blue — November 3, 2009 @ 2:52 pm
@ Mr. Docker
I don’t drink, but I imagine beer goggles would help a bit – at least they would prior to the ‘action’ getting started. I mean once the two parties involved get going if the cock involved is too small to fill the woman up so to speak, beer googles or not they’re both SOL, right?
Like my friend Roxy used to say, “The man I’m with doesn’t have to be big. He just has to fill me up, so there’s no air on the sides.’
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Comment by George Lass — November 3, 2009 @ 6:35 pm
Biggest one I ever had – featured, I’m not kidding, on massivecocksonline.com (photos taken when he was younger, years before we met) – was attached to an Irishman with always-immaculate, elaborate footwear and a big car. Go figure.
I think #1 is the best tip… if a guy’s hung or even average, you’re going to know about it just making out with him. Whether he’s trying to make contact or not, some contact will occur, unless he’s trying really, really hard to avoid it. And why would he do that… uh-huh.
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Comment by dottigirl — December 3, 2009 @ 8:59 pm
A friend recently had an interesting experience. Before they went to bed, he gave her an extensive tour of his flat including pointing out where the boiler was located. He also has a large collection of very ugly jumpers.
He turned out to have a VSD. Now, I guess that the tour was a delaying tactic (a la point 1.) but I’m mystified by the significance of the ugly jumpers. Can you help?
(Incidentally he is a rugby player, a scrum half.)
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Comment by Elizabeth Rose — December 5, 2009 @ 7:37 am
this is why I stick to flankers and no. 8 as a rule…
Besides – if his jumpers were that ugly, why had she agreed to sleep with him in the first place?!? Maybe it was his way of avoiding any ladies wanting to be intimate enough to see his teeny weeny?
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