Want Me…Please?

SKYE BLUE

I want you to want me,

I need you to need me,

I’d love you to love me,

I’m beggin’ you to beg me.

- lyrics from I Want You To Want Me, written by Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick

If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m fascinated by people. I love to observe the ways they speak and behave, to get some insight into their motivations (probably because it gives me some insight into my own crazy behaviour). Lately, I’ve been confronted by people and behaviours that have got me thinking about desire, specifically the desire to be desired. Now, all of us (yes, even you) long to be desired, and I believe that this craving this is normal, mundane even. But it’s the things that happen when the desire to be desired goes into overdrive that really, really intrigue me…

I have two old high school friends, Rita and Kandi, that are, in my not so humble opinion, addicted to receiving the type of attention that only a man in heat can give. Although both women are in committed, monogamous relationships – one is about to be married and the other has been  living with her boyfriend for years – based on their outward behaviour it is clear (to me at least) that they desperately need long to be desired by more than one man, if not every man.

Now my girl Rita, she has spent much of her life being ‘hunted’ and/or ‘worshipped’ by men, because she is a stunner (not at all an exaggeration). Consequently, she now operates under the assumption that her looks are all she has to offer – much to her detriment. You see because Rita has been conditioned to expect a great deal of male attention wherever she goes, she is at a loss (i.e. starts to loose her righteous mind) when she doesn’t get it. As a result, to avoid what I can only assume is the panic and fear she must feel when she is not being adored, she does all she can to ensure a pair of male eyes remained fixed on her.

To that end Rita has developed a habit of flirting mercilessly with would be suitors on our weekly girls’ night out. She does this by choosing one ‘lucky’ man to press her body FIRMLY into for an entire evening of pleasure on the dance floor. By the end of the night, the man in question is always ready to take her home, to ease the ‘tension’ in his loins, and at minimum he presses her for her phone number. Unfortunately, for him (and his very blue balls) Rita always says no, because unbeknownst to her new friend with the hard dick throbbing in his pants, the man she loves is waiting for her at home.

Even when there are no men about she deems worthy enough for her special brand of torture, Rita will hit the dance for on her own to ‘perform’ – picture one of the Pussycat Dolls and you’ll get the idea – for the boys who can’t take their eyes of her.

Then there is Kandi, who is currently ‘stalking’ a dude, we’ll call Ray for sex, despite the fact that she has a boyfriend who is completely enamoured with her. (Apparently, her boyfriend neither possesses the body type she is most attracted to nor the stamina to keep up with her.) She managed to get Ray to  ‘service’ her twice before he went M.I.A. (I’m guessing he hit it and quit it because he picked up on the fact that she was using him for an ego stroke). Ever since their last hook up she has been texting and calling him non-stop – as in incessantly – to the point where I am over here scratching my head wondering when she has time to talk to her man.

I’ve tried to tell Kandi many a time that if you’re offering a man the cookie, and he still ain’t bothering to call you back, he’s simply not interested (that’s my euphemism for ‘Cut your losses honey, you’ve been ditched) – but she’s not having it. Whenever she sends Ray yet another text in my presence (which happens way too often for my liking) and he doesn’t respond, she shrugs and tells me (or perhaps she’s really telling herself), ‘He’s probably just busy, he’ll get back to me soon. He knows what he’s missing.’ Right, right.

Now people, in my estimation neither of these women are terrible people or worthy of our scorn. If anything I think they deserve a whole lot of compassion because they, like many of us – though possibly to a greater degree – are simply searching for validation. These women are desperate to find some sense of their own value in the eyes, arms and beds of the men they meet (and there isn’t a woman out there who can honestly say she hasn’t been there once or twice), which begs the following questions:

1. If your feelings of self-worth are dependent on how others view you, will you ever truly be okay with yourself?
2. What happens to a woman like Rita when age takes it toll on her winning good looks (as it will for all of us) and the boys stop looking?
3. Why do so many of us, like Kandi, chase after the one person we can’t have, as if getting him/her will prove that we are good enough?

Okay people, talk to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject, so please leave a comment and I’ll be sure to respond.

Skye

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