YOU BLEW ME OFF!!!!!!

SKYE BLUE

As I mentioned in Saturday’s post, Want Me…Please?, lately I’ve been thinking about the desire to be desired and the crazy things we humans are prone to do to get validation of our own self worth – an ego stroke if you will. Yes, our frail and needy little egos drive us to do the strangest things…

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I met this dude named Delano at my hairdresser’s a while back. Now Delano was what you’d call a face guy (a man who is so pretty that most women get real stupid when see him), and within a few minutes of meeting him, I could tell he knew it. Delano was definitely a man who was used to having his way with chicks. Unfortunately for him, he’d met a woman he wasn’t going to get with easily.

You see, Delano was a bit too maga (that’s real skinny for all the non-West Indians out there) for my liking. As a result he had to work real hard to get my attention. To his credit, he was funny and actually made me laugh, which is why I ended up giving him my number before I left the salon that day – a silly decision (yes, I know that you are all surprised that I make silly decisions) that I would later come to regret.

Anyway, Delano was real anxious for us to get together, and he called me the next morning to invite me to watch him play soccer later that evening. I had nothing to do, so I agreed to go. After the game, we went out for a bite to eat. It was over dessert that I realized that Delano was really all about himself. It was all I could do to get a word in edge wise as the man went on and on about how great he was. In his mind there was nothing he couldn’t do well, from playing soccer to scoring the hottest chick in the room. The man was truly in love with himself. After an hour or so of hearing all about the greatness that was Delano, I decided to bring our ‘date’ to an end.

‘Look, it’s getting late and I have to get up early for work tomorrow,’ I said, getting up from the table so there’d be no confusion, ‘I’m going to get going.’

‘Aw come on Skye. It’s only 9:30, why you playing old lady? Girl, stay and lime (that’s Trini for hang out) a little longer,’ he said, smiling up at me.

‘Sorry guy. I have to go,’ I said, pushing my arms into my jean jacket. ‘But maybe we can do this again some time?’ God, you’re such a liar.

‘Alright,’ Delano, said getting up and grabbing his sweatshirt. He followed me out of the café. ‘Maybe we can lime on Tuesday, I’m free that night.’

Like hell we will. ‘I’m not sure about my schedule, but call me and we’ll see what we can work out.’

‘Cool,’ he said, just before we parted ways in the parking lot. ‘Looking forward to it.’

Now I had no intentions of seeing Delano again, but it soon became clear that he was very determined to see me. Although I didn’t return his phone calls for over a week, the man kept calling. When he got me on the phone, by calling from a private number I might add, he was heated.

‘Why haven’t you returned my calls? I know you got my messages.’

Shit. ‘Look Delano, I’ve been busy with work,’ I said hurriedly, ‘And I’m just on my way out the door. I’ll hit you back later.’

‘Please do,’ he said gruffly, and hung up the phone.

Despite the fact that I didn’t call him back after our ‘accidental’ chat and I dodged his calls for weeks, Delano kept on calling (hhhmm… how do you spell relentless – D-E-L-A-N-O!).  I got phone messages from the man daily, at first asking, then almost pleading with me to call him back. The most pathetic message went something like this (brace yourself peeps)…

‘Skye, I don’t get why you don’t want to see me. Stop playing hard to get. Please, let’s just go out one more time. I’ll even make it worth your while – I’ll eat your pussy.’

Now don’t go rubbing your eyes and reading that sentence over again. Trust me, you got it right the first time. And for the record, he and I never even so much as held hands, so I can’t tell you why he felt his offer to go south would be appealing.

After he left that charming message I had a three week reprieve from his incessant calling, and let me tell you I enjoyed each and every one of my Delano free days. When he finally called again (and you knew he would), just for the amusement factor, I decided to answer the phone.

‘Skye, guess what?’ he said.

This should be good. ‘What’s up, Delano?’

‘I’m getting married!’

Right. Three weeks ago you were offering to munch on my carpet, now you’re getting married. Enough of the bullshit. ‘That’s great news. Congratulations!’ I said, cheerfully. ‘But Delano, I’m just heading back to work, can we talk later?’

‘Thanks, and don’t worry about calling back. Just wanted you to know what you’d lost,’ he said, tersely, ‘Bye.’

As I pressed the ‘off’ button I said a silent thank you to God, believing that my ride on Delano’s ‘all-kind-o-crazy-train’ was officially over. Unfortunately, I was wrong, he wasn’t done with me yet.

The very next day he called me again (yes, from a private number and no, I never learn), and as soon as I said hello he started his rant.

‘I can’t believe you think you can just blow me off!’ he screamed into the phone.

Oh.My.God. ‘Delano. Calm down, it’s really not that serious,’ I said, ‘You hardly know me, and we’re just not compatible, so why don’t we call it a day? There are lots of women who would kill for the chance to go out with you. Just forget about me and move on.’ Now who told me to say that?

Brother man got absolutely apoplectic. He started cussing and firing off all kind of ‘Trini-isms’ I couldn’t understand. As I listened, I was dumbstruck by the sheer force of the venom being spewed at me through the phone.

‘You think I can just forget about the gyal who punked me? You don’t see I think about you and yuh madda cunt (sorry folks, I’m going to leave that one up to your imagination) every wretched day?’ He paused for a minute – apparently to catch his breath, and I took the opportunity to speak.

‘Look Delano, I’m going to g—‘

‘Shut y’mout’. I don’t want to hear anyt’ing else from you.’

‘Delan—’

‘YOU BLEW ME OFF! FUCK YOU!’

The phone line went dead and he was gone – for good.

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