“I’ve never shied away from a good fart joke.” – Eugene Levy
Bodily functions are pretty funny. I’m English so I find toilet humour amusing even though I left high school behind long ago.
But… Read More
The Archives
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Sharing Bodily Functions
Thursday, February 25th, 2010The First Time
Friday, February 5th, 2010SAM SHARPE
Can you name any one thing that ratchets up the pressure, intensity and sense of expectation in a relationship more than the first time you fuck make love? I sure can’t. In fact, hindsight suggests that in some of my relationships the anticipation that bubbled and seethed before consummation may have been the highlight. Either way, nothing gets you humming like the first time you… Read More
Top Tips for Outdoor Affairs
Thursday, January 14th, 2010“All good things are wild and free.” – Henry David Thoreau
I have already confessed how much I delight in a bit of outdoor frolicking. (I assume I will find myself followed around Toronto parks by wannabe filmmakers in very near future.) Read More
Above The Rim
Monday, January 4th, 2010I must have been 17 or 18 the first time I’d even heard the term. Carl, a college friend of my brother, was talking about rimming. Apparently, it was all the rage on their campus. Rimming, for those of you who don’t know is a form of oral sex whereby the anus/perineum of one partner is serviced by the other’s Read More
Knob Karma
Thursday, November 26th, 2009“As she has planted, so does she harvest; such is the field of karma.” – Sri Guru Granth Sahib
Readers, I am concerned. I am perplexed, worried and even somewhat fraught. I was being self reflective this weekend past - (okay I was hung over and watching reruns of CSI – the Vegas one, not Miami) and I realised that my recent run of luck with male specimens has been less than favourable. Read More
Persevering for P***y
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009Dear readers, I’ve got two words for you – perseverance and ‘LOW-Giene’.
I’m going to assume that you all know what the first word means, and quickly move on to the second. LOW-Giene is a term one of my closest friends (shout out to the Night Nurse) came up with to describe all manner of uncleanly bodily sins some human beings inflict upon the rest of mankind. Read More
New (Clean) Moon
Monday, November 23rd, 2009“Yeah, kind of. Like these jeans are a few days old, but the top is probably fresh because it gets to the point where even I can’t stand the air around me. I don’t know, my personal hygiene – it’s so disgusting! Really it’s just that I have very few clothes that I like and I’m travelling all the time, so I can’t really get any more.” – New Moon‘s Robert Pattinson
Basic Sex Etiquette Vol. 2: Got Soap?
Saturday, November 21st, 2009After hearing about the sad night our lovely English rose was greeted by hunk of knob cheese as she prepared to pleasure a lover, and learning from more than a few men that their habit of conducting a ‘finger smell test’ had saved them from being face down in crotch rot on many occasions, Read More
Halloween Horrors
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009“Poets have hitherto been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese” – G.K. Chesterton
O MY GOD! Most upsetting and horrifying experience on Saturday! I drunken stumbled home with a reasonably attractive young Canadian (being Slutty Mc Ho-Bag) and to start with his equipment was much smaller than his stature would have suggested (I should listen to my own advice as he had very clean shoes). Read More
The Funk
Friday, October 23rd, 2009We’d done this many times before. In a previous life we’d been in a relationship, but soon realized that we worked better as friends. The thing was: the sex was magnificent. Read More